Never Trust a Goddess
by miniSmack
Summary: A Fushigi Yuugi fic. Basically, four goddesses you never hear about are really bored one day. They see Miaka wandering around Konan and decide that it could be fun to ruin her life...er...visit her.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The Journey Begins

"I'm so fucking bored." Cried out Jess.

"Me too." Agreed Max.

Kim looked through the mirrors connected to the four countries of their world. In the one called Konan, she spotted a strange creature err… human. "Girls, take a look at this." She said pointing to a strangely dressed girl in the mirror. "Looks like a little foreigner. Shall we pay her a visit?" She smirked and laughed.

"Ohhhhh." Exclaimed Cass. "Party time!"

"Let's pack." Jess said in a monotonic voice. They all rose and hurried to their rooms.

"Remember! We are humans!" Max yelled, so the others could hear through the walls. Max and Kim called their cats, Kyra and Loki to their shoulders. When they were just about to leave, a male figured appeared in front of the door.

"Where are you four going dressed like humans?" he asked, crossing his arms grinning at the girl's surprised looks.

"No where, Sirus. We just wanted to get a better understanding of the loser humans." Kim aid, walking toward the unconvinced god.

" Yea right. Like I believe that. Kim, for a goddess of trickery, you aren't very convincing." The grin never left his expression. A scowl went across Kim's face.

"We're going on a little trip. Wanna come? It should be very entertaining, with lots of hot baths." Max joked.

"Max, you're too young for that kind of stuff. It's sad, really. The youngest goddess is the one of temptation. You should be the goddess of toys or something." Sirus responded. Max's lower lip pouted.

"You're so mean!" She cried.

"Damn cry baby!" Jess muttered. "Let's just go already!"

"Last chance baby. Want to go or not? It should be fun," Cass asked.

I'm only going to make sure you four don't get in trouble again. Suzaku's already pissed at you girls for the last time you went of a "little" trip." Sirus stated. 'He is always so serious.' Kim thought letting her mind stray. "And the make sure the cry baby stays out of peoples pants."

"What about yours?" Max flirted. But before Sirus could respond, Cass waved her hand and they faded out.

They landed with an 'oomph'! "What the fuck!?" a male voice yelled from beneath Kim. "Where'd you people fall from?"

"We came from the heavens to make sure you completely die, peons!" Cass replied, dusting herself off. The others got up as well.

"How dare you make fun of one of the Suzaku Seven!" He replied. Max and Kim's eyes got all big and sparkly at the mention of Suzaku.

"You? One of the butt-plugging seven? Prove it!" Jess demanded.

"What in Suzaku's name is going on out here?" A woman with long hair asked while approaching the group.

"Look at the weird ass woman! Kim, you were so right! This is a lot better than sitting around at home!" Jess exclaimed.

"Uh, Jess… maybe you should shut up for once…" Max tried to explain quietly, but it was too late.

"Guards! Throw those women in jail!" the woman ordered. Kim, the quick thinker, waved her hand, causing an illusion that her and Max were guards.

"You cowards!!!" Cass screamed as they were dragged away. Sirus just shook his head. 'Maybe I shouldn't have come…' He thought. The man blinked in disbelief as the "guards" changed back into woman once the female left. 

"OK, what was that?" He asked.

"Your ass," replied Max, winking at him. Sirus pushed her playfully and told her to shut up.

"That was nothing but a trick. I've got a lot more if you wanna see." Kim flirted. 'He's kinda hot, not nearly as attractive as Suzaku, but this could be fun.' She thought.

"Get control of yourself, ladies. We don't even know his name yet." Sirus commented.

"Who cares? He's good looking. We should have done this before." Max said contently.

"I hate women." He muttered. "The name is Tasuki. And I still don't know how you fell from the sky."

"We told you!" a white cat said, that appeared to be sitting on Max's head. 'He's not as smart as Suzaku, either. Oh well, it's all the more easier.' Kim plotted.

"Ladies! You know the rules! Sirus, I can't believe you let them down here again! Remember last time? They lit the emperor on fire and almost single handily cause the downfall of an entire country!" Suzaku said, appearing behind Sirus. Upon laying her sight on Suzaku, Max begins to drool.

'Get a fucking cup.' Sirus thought.

"God, it was an accident! The country was going downhill anyway. We just speed up the inevitable," Kim responded. Max runs over and gives Suzaku a big hug.

"I'm sorry, Suzaku. We'll never do it again. I promise," Max, promised, giving him a look of total innocence.

"I'm sorry, Max. I can't take any chances. This involves my priestess and warriors. If something messes this up, I'll never get laid." Suzaku explained.

"I don't think you'd have that problem," Max piped up. Suzaku cringed and slowly backed away.

"Why do you get your own priestess and warriors? Why are you so special?" Kim whined. "I want my own priestess and a team of hot adoring warriors!"

"What is going on here? Are you Suzaku or something? Isn't he supposed to be a bird?" Tasuki bellowed. 'Cute but sooo dumb…' Kim thought to herself with a smile and sighed. 'This is too easy.'


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"And just who is that?" Suzaku asked, gesturing towards Tasuki. "Eh him? He's just some dumb human Kim landed on." Max shrugged. "He claims to be one of your warriors." "Just who are you calling dumb kid?" Tasuki yelled, growing anger. Suzaku and the others ignored him and continued talking as though he wasn't there. "One of my warriors? Hmmm… yes he does resemble one of them. I thought he'd be smarter though." Suzaku announced. "Suzaku? Are you gay or something? All of your warriors are guys and a few look like girls. One is even a cross dresser!" Sirus asked. "I think Sirus has been looking into the crystal ball too much." Max whispered to Kim. They giggled quietly as Suzaku and Sirus argued. "I'm not gay! And why are you paying so much close attention to my warriors?" Suzaku questioned. "Because someone has to!" Sirus retorted. "I knew you two were still here! Tasuki, who are these people?" the brown haired woman asked, stopping next the Tasuki. "I am Suzaku, ruler of this land. Bow down before me or I will eat you." Suzaku declared, laughing. "Is this some kind of trick? Our priestess hasn't called for you yet. Why are you here?" She asked. "I had to retrieve the youngins'." Suzaku answered plainly. "Hey! You're not that much older then us. Well, maybe older than Max, but not Sirus and I." Kim yelled. "You're only a year older than me Kim!" Max whined, getting the pouty look again. "Children! Stop whining!" Sirus ordered, speaking up. Max and Kin sent him the death glare and tackled him. "Suzaku! Help!" Suzaku became overwhelmed with laughter and almost fell down. "Emperor Hotohori, please excuse any harms we may have caused you. We should leave now before they do any real harm." He apologized, still laughing. "But I don't wanna go home Suzaku!" Max complained. "I don't think it would be a good idea for you to stay. Where are Jess and Cass? They alone could destroy this country." "They got taken away to jail." Kim stated, smiling. "But we didn't so can we stay? Sirus will make sure we don't do any more harm. We can help the Priestess." Tasuki moved towards the emperor a little more. "Oh no. I wouldn't trust them here." He whispered. "I don't know. Last time…" Suzaku started. "Last time was an accident! We're older and more mature now." Kim put on a mature face. "It was only three moths ago." Suzaku roared, growing annoyed at their begging. "But in those three months I turned 15." Max said. Tasuki's jaw dropped. "You're only 15?!?" "Come Suzaku. Please? We promise we won't don't anything horrible…" Kim said, using her power of trickery. "Don't bother using your powers, Kim. You know they don't effect me." Suzaku acknowledged. "Dammit!" Max walked up close to him. He began to sweat. "But mine do…" Sirus pushed Max breaking her concentration. "Cut the crap, Suzaku, let them stay or they'll never leave us alone again." He stated the obvious. "Would that be a bad thing?" Kim asked, putting her arm around the gods. Suzaku sighed in defeat. "Fine you may stay." Kim and Max got a victory smirk. "On one condition. Sirus is staying and if you mess up he'll send you back, and you'll never be allowed down here again. I'll even take away your crystal balls." "Oh man! You mean I have to stay with them?" Sirus complained. "Aw come on. You know you love us," Max joked. "Now that that's settled, I'm going home. The same rules applied to Jess and Cass. If either of them ever are free to cause trouble and do, all of you will be punished." Suzaku declared. "That's not fair!" Max, Kim and Sirus yelled at the same time. "Life never is." And with that, Suzaku disappeared. "Argg! I hate him so much!" Max yelled. "I know. If he wasn't that hot I'd so kick his ass," Kim agreed. She turned and found Tasuki and Hotohori staring at them, mouths open in disbelief. "Keep staring and I might do a trick." "Come on Sirus. Let's take in the sights." Max suggested. Hey what about me? Don't leave me with these stupid humans." Kim complained. "Oh god. How could Suzaku abandon us with these people? What are they anyway?" Tasuki asked. "Do you honestly believe that was Suzaku? After all, why would Suzaku let two little kids push him around?" Hotohori asked. Unfortunately for them, Kim heard that comment and had a little remark of her own. "So, you don't recognize gods when you see them, eh? Maybe I should show you a little trick of my own. I may be younger than Suzaku but I sure as hell can kick your sorry ass any day!" Kim yelled. She moved towards the nervous emperor, her green eyes flashing. "Calm down, Kim! Remember, if you screw this up it's your last chance." Sirus reminded her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "She shook it off but stopped advancing on the emperor. "You're not worth it, girly man. You're just lucky Jess wasn't here. Lets go Max. Don't piss off goddess." Max stuck out her tongue then blew a kiss towards the two warriors. "Goddesses? That would explain a few things." Tasuki mumbled. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Max will Never Learn!

"Are you sure that we shouldn't break out the psychos?" Kim asked, only half joking. "Nah, I think they're safer in jail and so is the rest of the world," Sirus responded. "Let's just continue sight seeing." Max grabbed one of Sirus' arms and Kim grabbed the other. "Where should we go first?" Max asked. Kim smiled happily. "How about the bar?" Kim suggested. "All right," Sirus. "But no getting drunk. You're dangerous enough sober." "Party pooper." Kim looked around the town for the bar. "Uh… where is the bar, anyway?" We saw some old, drunk hobos. "Follow the local drunks!" Sirus declared. We followed the drunks to a building that we guessed was the bar. As soon as the hobos walked into the building, they were kicked out. "Guess we're here." Max kicked the hobos out of the way and started walking to the door. Another two guys, (a lot younger and better looking), stumbled out of the bar. They had arms on each other's shoulders and their free hands were holding beers. The one on the left was singing, badly out of tune. The one on the right tripped over his feet and crashed into the baffled Kim and Max, causing the over guy to fall down with him. Kim pushed them off of her. "Get off of us you drunk idiots!" Max ordered. Sirus was cracking up. The two drunks sat on the ground and looked up at the girls then at each other with blank, glazed stares. "We're not idiots, pretty lady," they said to Max. "Oh man! They're so drunk they actually think Max is pretty without her using her powers!" Sirus exclaimed in between fits of laughter. "You're so mean, Sirus! I hate you!" Max yelled. "We won't be mean to you, we promise," one of the drunks said. He attempted to cross his heart but ended up just confusing himself. Sirus erupted into laughter again. "Wow, Max. You really are popular with the drunks, aren't you?" Kim asked. Max glared at her. "You're purty too, red-haired lady," the other drunk said with a crooked smile that showed serious signs of intoxication. "You're the queens of the bar. Be proud ladies," Sirus taunted. Kim and Max tackled him. "Ok, ok! I'm sorry." "You better be," Kim threatened, kicking him one last time. "Let's get out of this dump." "Pretty ladies strong," one of the drunks noted. "Yea so don't mess with us," Kim replied. Max took a second look at the two guys. "Talk to us when you're sober, OK?" She told them, winking. Kim sent he "the" look. "What? They were kind of hot!" Kim just shook her head. "You'll never learn." Sirus rubbed her head, meshing up her hair. "Neither will you," he said, smirking. Kim glared at him and then smirked and evil smirk. "Oh no… I don't like that look! Max please help me!" "You're on your own, Sirus. There's nothing you could offer me that would make me want to face the wrath of Kim," Max responded. "How 'bout the best night of your life?" Sirus joked, winking at her. "I wouldn't get that from you," Max retorted, smiling. She pushed Sirus sideway and he fell, making the others laugh. "We should get back to the palace. Who knows what havoc Jess and Cass could be causing." "Oh, do we have to?" Kim asked in a little kid voice. "We don't have to let them out, but we should at least check on them." Sirus answered. "Fine." When they got back to the palace, they were told not-so-kindly that they weren't welcome. Kim used her powers of trickery to get them in. Max seduced a random guy and got her to show them to the dungeon. 'I swear she could get a gay guy to go straight,' Kim thought as the lovesick guy hit on Max and was turned down. He left reluctantly. They found that the cells in the dungeon were empty. There was no sign of Jess and Cass. "Oh shit…" Kim whispered slowly as she pointed to a wall. "What?" Sirus and Max asked simultaneously. "Look," She responded. On the other end of the room, two guards were tied up and gagged… in their underwear. The guards were obviously knocked out. "We're doomed!" Sirus wailed. "Who knows where they are now!" "Or what they're doing! We have to find them and fast!" Kim added. "I pity the fools who run into them before we find them…" Max said quietly, "Those poor unfortunate souls." (A/N (mini): Omg Omg Omg! Do you guys remember that song from Little Mermaid? When Jess read it to me, I started to sing, it was mad funny :P I'll shut up now) 


End file.
